Wonder

Assalammualaikum. 

Yes, it has been a long time since the last time I wrote for this blog. Yes, much that happened since the last post. Nothing much just the same old me peel in by one to be, no one. Hahah. Nonother, just literally me. Well, to be honest, it’s really something between being mad and being crazy at the same time to be happy like nothing happen. Im just being ignorant to myself, and just to say that im way too afraid to attach with people and im so bad with making people feel comfortable.

Okay, I just came out with the title of this topic from the movie Wonder. Well said yes, im one of those proud people who watch this movie. It’s some kind of move to the heart. Before this, back when I was home, actually I do have another topic for my entry this time. But to be honest, I forgot what actually the topic or even I created a title or not. But I do remember one or two of the topic that actually whirling in my mind. It’s all about the real world's work, how to deal with you other self, how to be not so freaking out of being overthinking.

No one got away from fear easily. No one got away from problems easily. There are too many possibilities in this life that no matter how hard we tried to run from it, it does come chasing us back. In this particular body, sometimes im having the thought that im might actually really hate me. Im being hesitates with me when it’s come to dealing with people. I did really forget how I was when I was a child. Innocent, just go on with other people. Yes, people do change, and im changing little by little. I really want to tell the rest of the world, how ive been doing with my life, but every time I want to do that, I hold myself back and im just swallow it and just think that it’s never happening. Because no matter what happens, the world not only resolve within you, there's a lot of things that happened and you just need to sit back and keep moving forward. Not in bad way, take it as something that you can learn from it. 

I stopped explaining myself when I realized other people only understand from their level of perception.

Allah is the reason why. Even in sadness, I smile. Even in confusion, I understand. Even in betrayal, I trust. Even in pain, I love. A person who truly loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes in the smile on your face. 

Ever wonder that you wanna give up everything?? You must be telling lie right now that you never felt like that. Well, sometimes when life hit me really bad, like a mountain on your shoulder, yes, all I ever think is to give up with my life. That's sufficient for my old self. But through thick and thin, through my breakdown, through hell or high water, the only matter for me is to keep moving forward. Within the hardship, I learned that, even though it might eat you slowly, punch you hard, but that's the best teacher that could teach you directly for your life. I learned from my past, who I was the one keep on circling around with my past, I was too afraid to even moving forward, cause I was too afraid of changing and learning something new. But, hey, there's always some turning points within the path you take. 

“Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.” - Ibn Taymiyyah

Trusting issues, yup, ive already discuss it before this. It might sound weird, but ive always keep on guarding and keep my wall up for TRUSTING ISSUES. Because to be honest, ive been broken up so many times. There's one time when my mum said that, don't you think that they only been using you all this time, but I keep on pretending that it never happens, and yes, stupid me, I learned it with the hard way. When I keep on pushing people away, only looking for the one that I really want, and never ever thought that, that's the most wasting way on how to even grow up well. The one who I keep on forgetting, keep on pushing away, is the one who still keeps on with me until today and still keeps on giving me hope for a better life. The one who I always keep on chasing is the one who will keep on leaving you, cause you never learn to even stand for a while, and be grateful for today.

 

 

I keep on reminding someone that, the past remains as history and yet we will learn from the past, tomorrow would be so the mystery and all we need to do is expecting and waiting patiently, and don't ever forget to say Alhamdulilah and be grateful for today as it is a gift for us. That's why it been called the present. Right? Now, everyone has their own phase and time to recalculate, to breakthrough the memories and decisions, on what is actually happening surrounding us. The selecting of choices is a way to learn how to organize our life according to our body vessel in order to withstand the situations. There would be problems, there could be a lucky draw, there would be a choosing path. It not even easy when we know which is which to take a risk in life. 

 

Precepts are rules for really important things. Like mottos. Or like famous quotes. It helps with motivating a person. The only reason why I choose to be more frank and honest is that I know, it's about time that you are talking about. Either you choose to stay, you choose to leave, you choose to take a step back and give them happiness, maybe you are the one who's being toxic in their way. The precepts that I always remind myself is, people, do come and go, maybe it could be im just a passerby, who's only gonna stay for a while in someone's life. The one who decided the choosing is them, and im always put my promise up high, that no matter what, to the person I always care, im just gonna be there for them, giving my shoulder to lean on, all ears for their problems, yup, I never give up hahaha. No one gonna stay for too long, it's their choices, take it or leave it. And stupid me, im the one who put the high hopes for something that not even sure is it really happen or not. 

There's something that been playing in my mind. When given the choice between being right or being kind. Choose kind. I don't know if this really applied to the others or only me. Yes, the world is cruel, but you need to know that, sometimes this is your base, for you to stand still, cause we never fought fire with fire. The only thing is to be kind to those who really appreciate you and care for you. But, im sorry if it too late for you to even realize it. Yes, it takes me for a moment to realize the person who really kind and cared for me, but I keep on running from it. Yes, I really afraid of it. Im afraid im the one who makes us become apart from each other. Sound stupid right? But the only things that I always did is, try to get attention, do something stupid, be someone who I was not, trying so hard to keep the relationship and at the end, it only makes it worse and all I could say is, I need to become myself and just keep on going.  

 

I would say that im the one who always gives everything for others. And I keep on reminding myself that to never ever forget to always forgive and care for myself and yourself. Cause, when you trying so hard to hold someone or something, you should remember that never hold it too hard and too tight, never hope so highly about what's gonna happen after this. Just keep calm, and remain in the relationship and never forget to always pray to Allah to keep it stronger days by days. Believe me, when I tried so hard to push people away when I keep on holding it too tight, I might be lost of myself. Forgetting that the one that will keep reminding us is Allah, He's the Almighty that hold people heart and souls. The things that you could do is pray to Allah, and keep on being grateful for whoever comes in your life and stay with you. For those who leave you, yes, thanks for the lessons of all those days, it doesn't mean you left me is something bad, take it as something to learn from and take it as an advantage to keep moving.

A mistake repeated more than once is a decision - Paulo Coelho

Your deeds are your monuments. The things we do are the things that matter the most. If we only look from these quotes from Wonder, good deeds is something that we could take it as a monument of ourselves. If before this I would say that I was good for nothing. But now, I will say that, im good for something. Enough just to put a smile on other faces. Hahaha, it already sufficient and make me said that, yes, it better be this way, I'll try to cheer people up and make myself worth it. But also to remember, never ever forget to keep your head high and stronger between the times as the problems might come without any sign. 

 

Greatness lies not in being strong but in the right using of strength. He or she is the greatest whose strength carries up the most hearts by the attraction of his own. This quote hit me profoundly. As you can see, actually everyone, literally everyone have their own attraction. It doesn't mean that everyone gonna like it, but there's still gonna be someone or some people who are waiting for you, to wait for your rant, your story, your sadness. And actually, I do really appreciate it when someone tells me their stories because I know, they believe me, they took me in their life, and it actually helps me to even learn something new in my life. 

 

Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle. And if you really wanna see what people are, all you have to do….is look. As you watch the Wonder movies, I must say that im really proud of Auggie as he says that 'for everyone is fighting a hard battle'. Yes, everyone has their own struggle, their own hardship, and I never doubt about it. Cause from the hardship, I could stand highly for every lesson make me believe, I can be stronger, but not on my own, it's also from the others, who always be there for me, keep on reaching out their hands just to make me move forward. We don't look backward for too long cause we will create the circle which is so hard to even breakthrough it. 

That's all my rant here, hahaha because this is the only platform that I could use without even thinking either I hurt some people or not. This also one of my platform for me to learn things back, what ive done, what's wrong with me, what should i do. This is the platform for me to keep on walking forward with more careful. But mostly im just afraid because of me, we become apart. You, yes you, im talking about us. I was too afraid of my past haunting me back, but this is not your fault. It's just me who keeps on asking you, disturbing you, and I hope you could be more open up, honest, and be bold to talk to me. Actually, I know what are you really facing now, it's just that I don't want to be the one who stops you from making your moments and have your own time to decide. Yes, I could say that we're not really heat things up yet. hahaha don't worry. And im sorry if anything I do make you feel offended, or worst hating me. 

Do not only dreaming of happiness live like there is always someone by your side, do not ever being attention center, enough of little circle.

p/s : Don't worry, everyone has their own phase and time, its only matters if time and our own self to learn about it. Go make mistakes and never forget for someone who always be there for you.