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constant reiteration

Actually I don't even know why I feel all of this, why I feel this heaviness in my chest, like everything feels not right. The urge to just go beyond the thongs that is worse, it's worsening day by day. You know that's it's there in your head  the loudness in this silence. I know there's chances but I don't feel safe at all. I'm still trying, trying my best, and I know it's so stupid because I couldn't talk to anyone, like I was asking for the attention, like whatever I feel it's just another fool need attention.  I'm sorry that actually I try to reach everyone and yet I couldn't do that, I froze myself and the voices really loud in my head, I try to be there for anyone and yet I can't even hold myself, I lost my own grip to grasp the reality and stand where I standing. I lost everything, I just look at myself broken and shattered slowly, and I couldn't even do anything, what the fuck am I sad for? Like seriously I thought I'm...
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Validate Dearth

hi

can i said that, all of this really confusing at one point you just give up and keep on hating yourself? you cant make up any decision and you cant even understand what is laying infront of you. you just keep on asking, this is just too much. i dont ask for all of this to happen, but i really tired. i try to be by myself, i try to let this things go, i try to calm myself. by i know, by the end, through the end, i cant even make people understand and involve anyone with this problems.

i know it never easy to even be with me or even try to understand me. i never asked anything from others, i never asked any helps. because i know, it's never easy to be in my head. i try to reach anyone possible, but by the time, i just lost it. i hold myself, because by the time i took another steps, i'll destroyed everything. im being bad, im being destructive.

i should and i'll try to stop asking anything, i'll do my best to stop being like this, because i know im hurting people, i cant make them understand, and will make they tired of me. i cant never asked more, i just cant validate me, i'll just stand and let it happened. i'll try to make it okay, like it never happened. i'll let myself just being loud and having the conversation in my head. i cant make it worst for others, enough of it just in my head. that's important.

everyone have been putting themselves as part of loving themselves in their life. i cant even say about it, i cant even do anything about it. when i try  to give for others on behalf of my action for them to be able stay with me. i took a wrong choices in life. im forcing people to stay with me. because i know, most of them just tired of me. i lost myself in this. i make it worst. because i know, it's my fault. this is because im being like this, people hate me. they tend to let it go, i cant even say anything.

my words, my actions, i just stop doing it for the purpose of keeping all them together, i cant even say anything what's going on in my head. i cant even say anything what i want. because it's just too much for me to put it on others. ive always been scared to ask and say anything to others. im not important, im nothing. i cant do this to anyone just for the sake of my head and my thought. i know, it's just me who being delusion about having all of this together. but who am i kidding?

i killed every possible things that happened around me, im just scared of being me. im just scared of me. i hate myself. i killed myself everytime i try to reach surface. i stop myself from being able to make things worst. i just cant, all those years, im just being hold by my own demons. i dont know how to say about this, im only using my own words. i cant do anything, im just losing myself.

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