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constant reiteration

Actually I don't even know why I feel all of this, why I feel this heaviness in my chest, like everything feels not right. The urge to just go beyond the thongs that is worse, it's worsening day by day. You know that's it's there in your head  the loudness in this silence. I know there's chances but I don't feel safe at all. I'm still trying, trying my best, and I know it's so stupid because I couldn't talk to anyone, like I was asking for the attention, like whatever I feel it's just another fool need attention.  I'm sorry that actually I try to reach everyone and yet I couldn't do that, I froze myself and the voices really loud in my head, I try to be there for anyone and yet I can't even hold myself, I lost my own grip to grasp the reality and stand where I standing. I lost everything, I just look at myself broken and shattered slowly, and I couldn't even do anything, what the fuck am I sad for? Like seriously I thought I'm...

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Assalammualaikum.
Alhamdulilah masih lagi disini. haha, okay been to long tak post since then. first thing sbb ak cat rumah . mmg lahh ak ad je masa nak buat, but still ak mmg tido lambat bngun pagi terus cat. so mmg x de masa. alaa klau ak x post bknny ad siapa yg baca. just me who again and again read it by myself. self. hahaha. who ever care about it right? okay this is my blog i can do whatever i want. okay ini yg ak rasa sepanjg ak x menggunakan blog ni. haha. ak jumpa kawan2 ak. having time together doing something. eating jogging laughing. yes mmg kita x pernah sendirian selagi kita buka hati kita untuk terima. mmg ak pun rasa bertindak diluar kawalan. tapi yes bukanny nk nyusahkan. cukuplah.

mereka yg ad ni, yg selalu bawak ak keluar dari tempurung ak sendiri bina. ak x nak bebankan mereka. ak bina lagi satu chamber untuk mereka. chamber yg selama ak kenal yg lain. ak simpan kunciny supaya ak lebih berhati2. yupp simpan for others goodness. ak selau buat people day freaking out. thinking of something that shouldnt happen in their life. ak mmg terlalu sibukkan diri ak dengan menyushkan org lain. bknkah spttny ak simpan elok2, lipat baik2 dan keep in my head. i shouldnt disturb people with my horrible things.

lompat sini sana lari sini sana makan sini sana main sini sana gelak sini sana peluh sini sana. alhamdulilah x de pun perkataan sedih sini sana marah sini sana. kehidupan mmg kita boleh rancang. tapi Allah ttp tentukan apakah yg terbaik untuk kita.

"When Allah test you, it is never to destroy you, when He removes something in your possession, it is (only) in order to empty your hands, for an even greater gift!"
-Ibn al-Qayyim-

"Remember Me - I will remember you."
-surah Al-Baqarah-
[2:152]

hidup kita mmg tidak selaluny smpuerna. dan mereka yg hadir kadang2 menyempurnakan siapa kita sebenarny. Allah beri kepada kita untuk manfaatkan setiap masa mengingati-Nya bahawa Allah x pernah lupakan kita aslong we remember Allah all through our life. Allah bagi ujian bukanny untuk menyeksa kita sebagai umat-Nya cuma kita sendiri yg cuba menyeksa siapa kita. ak yg terlalu memikirkan negatif daripada positif. selama ni ak terlalu bercakap positif tapi sebaliknya didlam diri ak. yes it's to cruel to think about to cut off all the relations, but i forgot that Allah never putuskan hubungan dengan umat-Nya. 

mcm lah ak ni hebat sngat untuk memikirkan dengan mudahnya ak putuskan hubungan dengan orang. ak terlalu mementingkan diri ak sendiri, yes itulah ayt paling sesuai untuk seseorng seperti al. selfish is the high level class okay. hahaha. bak kata si bahan kimia Butane hahahah. deskmate ak bahawa.

"Maturity is an option"

well x kan laa selamanya kita nak jadi x matang kan. sekali sekala berguna juga ketidakmatangan kita dimana kita cuba untuk menjadi penghibur kepada org lain. well ak been accepted because ak ni suka membuatkan org sakit dengan ak. hahaha. sbb ketidakmatangan ak dimana ak suka nyakitkan org and nnti sama2 tergelak. sakit perut yeahhh. dh mcm cerita Jack Frost yg mencari apakah istimewany diri dia sehingga menjadi Guardian. taddaaa nampak x ak ni jnis suka tnguk cerita mcm ni hahaha.

just like http://amirkhalis.blogspot.co.uk/ aka Ayobb yg nak mnerbitkan ceritany sendiri hahah. tajukny ialahh "SEHEBAT HOLLYWOOD, SESERONOK BOLLYWOOD". hahah motivation dlm setiap cerita. kita bole nilai dlam cerita tuuu.

Assalammualaikum. take care

p/s: always believe in myself that i cant bring any harm to others just bring happiness only. smile always paste in their faces. hahaha love you.

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