Innocuos

 to be honest, i dont know why am i writing all of this, is it necessary? why am i being like this? what do i want to have and get from here? am i just being bad person and try to be an attention seekers? im not creating all of this in my head just to make it happened and playing in my head, it's there, i never really ask for it to be in my head, im sory im so sorry it's neveer my intetntion to ever ask and attack or just go talk and ask for help, cause i just felt so wronged for me to do that, it was never about im trusting or not

my entire life, im always afraid to ask and do it just because i have it in my head, when i do it, just for me to feel safe, it's just go back to me and im feel worthless at the best, im just as good as dead, i know it is wrong, but it's worng to even ask for assurance, just for me to feel that i needed and belong in this world, it's too muchh for even a human to ask when we all know for sure that no oone is nearly available, as i am trying my best to be there for others

i know it's never enough for me just to be there for people, when im the one as a living problems, im the probblems, when im the one who shoukd be understand and try to understand others, i know i keep on pushing people away, i keep on being annoyance and nuisance wgen i ry to talk or explain the things in my head, i take every orecautions so that i'll stop myself froom being the things that people really hate

i know at one point, people just get really tired annd somehow resent for knowing me in their life, me too, i hate myself since i was a littleboy, when i should enjoy the world as child, but all i was get only the voices in myhead, how to not being hate by others, how to live in this world, how to be satisfied and used by others, i thought ive already living my good life, but it's not, all those years, just appeared and runing everything 

when i thought that giving everything is the things that make me feel exist and alive, it onlly took me a moments that i just dont want to be alive and i dont want to exist anymore, ive become something thst i hate the most, i keep on igoring people, i keep on neglect people who i care, i keep my voices, i listen to the voices in my head, the numb feel really geet me, the darkness itself win when i just being like this, i lost everything 

everything is my faults, all of my existense is just a mess, i should just have listen to the thought when it is happening, maybe i dont have to live another15 years since then, maybe ive already stop breathing since then, i just give up on eveerything now, i know where im standing, i knw this is just and illusions, when you are all alone, everything is possible, bbecause no one really knows what's happening in head, i cant even said or talk because i dont understand what's happening in my head,

im toxic to others, im bad person, so it's true wheen poeple said im bad for making others bad for doing this to them, im sorry, im so sorry