Honesty

Assalamualaikum
Allah still giving me the chances to breath in this world. hurmm im forcing myself to sit front this laptop. act im not sitting right now. hahah. yes im writing about honesty. yesterday when you told all those things. yes you're mad at me. because of those emotion message that i always sent to you. im such a stupid yet a disturbing yet never listen to the others heart. what i want my only happiness. i moved away the others happiness. im a greedy person. i should had known all this time that you kept this feeling.

i should stop asking you to know about my life. all this time my manners and pressure i put on your shoulder and hoping that you will always know it. i expecting that you open my blog. read all those stupid word just to make sure im okay? enough.

fell kinda sick with me. feel to yell and mad at me. but what you'd done to me was impressing me, because that was the first time people that been called as friend told me the truth of me. honesty in every words that came out from your mouth. i know that you've been keeping it. at any rate you should sat and took the time and spoke it to me. thanks .

i'd making many people life in a bad mood because of my life. my life story is a harassment when it reach the people heart. and it seem that i'd seen that only me who really in the great over react with something that came in my life. i never cared about others feeling and im only cared about mine. that is to stupid when im talking about it. when im kept on talked about myself, im never expecting that the other side might be had become more yikes with me. so stupid who become my friend. who only cared about myself yet too selfish. hypocrite in my life.

and i also know that im the only one who really obsess about friend. when im looking at you. yes. you dont see really indeed with me. it's okay because i realized that in this world,friends would come and go. Allah knows the best for us and me. im so blind until i cant see the presence of someone who really care about me. im too chased something that came in front of me. im forgot that the one who really cared about me was standing beside and at my back. who always hold on to me and raise me when im fall.

when im reading Relasi Mencari Sahabat Sejati. 2 things came in my mind. your name and your favorite game. i should take out my eyes and put it in the acid and place it back. then i should grateful to Allah because give me this heart to feel it. i realize that what we really care and love we have to let it go. mean that we just expect them like a bird. when we put it in the cage,we can see their world really full with darkness. then we walk with it to the outside world. let it go. let it find their own happiness. when come the feeling of care and love inside it heart for us, it will come back to us. if not, at least their find their own happiness at the other side.

it all in Allah's hand. we should believe in qada' and qadar Allah. maybe it's just me who really obsessed with our friendship until i forget that not me the one who to be cared. it is you. when i thought that i should started my life with running. i pull it back. then i said that i should learn how to walk first then i'll run. that is how to manage my world.
im sorry for all those bunches of messages that i'd left to you all those days. and im sorry to the folks who always keep on reminding me. thanks and insha Allah, Allah pay back what have you done to me. maybe me the one who really obsess but not you. i should think about it before i done it. someone should kick me and give me lessons of all days i'd done. i'd to long sitting under my own shadow. i need light to drag me out. be someone who really i am. in my own world and with my family.

im sure that many people dont like the wall that i build up because want to keep me away from others. gap that throw my own life.

assalamualaikum sorry take care. insha Allah, i might stop all those messing around.

p/s: well my spirit need to be built up again even though it might be a stupid thing