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constant reiteration

Actually I don't even know why I feel all of this, why I feel this heaviness in my chest, like everything feels not right. The urge to just go beyond the thongs that is worse, it's worsening day by day. You know that's it's there in your head  the loudness in this silence. I know there's chances but I don't feel safe at all. I'm still trying, trying my best, and I know it's so stupid because I couldn't talk to anyone, like I was asking for the attention, like whatever I feel it's just another fool need attention.  I'm sorry that actually I try to reach everyone and yet I couldn't do that, I froze myself and the voices really loud in my head, I try to be there for anyone and yet I can't even hold myself, I lost my own grip to grasp the reality and stand where I standing. I lost everything, I just look at myself broken and shattered slowly, and I couldn't even do anything, what the fuck am I sad for? Like seriously I thought I'm...
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Assalamualaikum
Alhamdulilah ak msih mnghirup udara dan oksigen sekeliling. Okay sebnarny dh lma ak nk post. Tapi bnyak sngt obstacles. Obstacles smua plik. Ak sbenarny baru habis baca buku Relasi Mencari Sahabat Sejati by Hilal Asyraf. Yes seriously buku tu really inspired me. Because?

When we tried to find what is the meaning of friend? Then daripada situ brmulanya prjlnan dan ujian yg Allah bagi kpda kita. Sama ad kita mngalah untuk mencariny atau kita masih tetap tguh mncari jawapan. Sebenarny jika ak fikir balik,adkah ak seorg shabat?? Yes ak mmg rsa sngat bukn.

Bila mlihat pndangan org2 skeliling ak. Yes im not a really friend. Cause im always using surround people for my own happiness. Bila al cerita masalah ak. Yes mmg mnyakitkan sbb ak hmpir mnyebabkan org disana naik fedup. Ak mmg x mmhami org lain. Adkah slyaknya?? Yes who i am to judge all this. Ini smua kerja Allah.

Mungkin inilah ujian yg untuk ak. Ujian yg paling ak tkut. Iaitu kehilangan. Ak pernah ckp. Mmg ak takut. Tapi mmg ak sngat rsakan kerenggangan sbb perangai ak. Ak dh buat org sngat down. Mungkin Allah nk tnjuk. Ak masih ad Dia,Rasul,family around me. Holding my shoulder.

Im not forget who always tried to make me stand still. Try to put smile. Well act before this im a person who like to smile and laugh. But it all lose when im growing up. I guess that until now i still not trying to understand people. Im always make my friends suffer cause of me. Going down. Yes kekdg ak rsa lagi ak skit and down bila org yg slama trying push ak untuk tdak berkelakuan bgini. Tapi dia yg down. Buat Itu lah ini lah. Sakit hati ak. Sbb bila fikirkan sma mcm ak.

Ak mmg spoiled. Ak mmg slalu buat org down. Knapa ak tak brpijak on the land. Reality! Arghh so arrogant kau aiman. Ya Allah.

Angah thanks sbb jalan haritu. Ak minta maaf sbb ak lyam mood ak. Betapa selfish nya ak. Ak tau kau sbar jee an ak msa kat melaka. Sorry sngat. Spendig time dngn kau buat ak sngat sdih. Sbb ak mmg tak memahami dn ak tak cuba.

Mrs B. Sihat? Man harap sihat. Yes pasal that message. Abaikan lah. Malas lah. Man fikir man tak patut cerita and trlalu bergntung pada org. Just like someone said that klau man terlalu berhrap kat sorang,mcm mna kalau dia tetiba tak ad? Man kena trima juga.

Shida. Klau kau rasa itu yg trbaik. Buatlah. Ak pun sapa jee nak halang. Lagipun sapa je nak dengar org yg slalu aje bermasalah sperti ak. Bila ak ckap nak buat itu nak buat ni. Org push ak jgn buat. Tapi klau tetiba org tu sndiri nak buat ap nk jadi? Dh la tak guna marah. Syaitan smua tu.

Yes back to the topic. Rasa mcm tak masuk akal pun ad. Takpe as long ak masih lihat kau senyum mknanya kau happy. Buat ap lagi ak perlu bebankan org. Smpi nak tempiaskan mood ak yg kurg snng.? Hahaha. Ya Allah. Give me strength. Ya Rabbi.

Assalamualaikum. Yes sorry sangat atas contact selama ni. ^^

p/s:we shouldn't care people more than Allah. When we care someone for Allah,insha Allah,there's a will.

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