Kalopsia Penitence

Assalammualaikum and hi,

hahaha it is stupid when you actually realize, for all those years that actually you knew, but you keep on hurting yourself. but you cant get out of it way. you know you'll open up to anyone, you thought that you being good, or that's what you might think, you being honest, you being open up to people, you think that it's going to be the same. unfortunately not, you just fooling yourself into something that actually not. and it's impossible. no one actually knows the true nature of a person. but there you go, youre being nice in hope that you could trust people, and people will trust you. youre stupid, youre blind, youre deaf!

youre the one who killing yourself, youre the one who to be blame for all those years! youre the one who should know that youre hurting yourself! you keep on doing the same thing in order to get the same treats! you should know that it doesnt bring any goods but still you keep on doing the same thing again and again. be it stranger be it someone new be it the one you thought you could be good to. but no, it's never be like that.

it's all my faults. i thought ive already know and see it through, but i was wrong. im oversee those things that i hate all of this life. i tend to give too much, im hoping too much, i trust too much. everything that ive done it's just too much, i give to others because i dont want them to feel it. but it's the order, the fate of life. no one can ever run from it. i try to give everything i can. but it's just too stupid. im a fool. at the end, you dont have to blame others. you should blame yourself!

it was never their faults! it's never, not anyone faults! youre the one whose pointing your own guns, you the one who put the knife on your own throat! you didnt see when youre the one who's toxic to others! when tha one who is at faults, who should be wronged for is yourself! i cant believe i was too blind by my own self, when actually it was me all entire life. youre just too much, you know that this is going to happen, and you should think highly and youre the one who is innocent all this entire life!

i hate myself, i hate me, i hate me! why did i ever exist at the first place if im only gonna make people suffer by my own actions! why?! my head was too loud, im the one who's hurting them, they never need me! i wasnt suppoed to be there. i just want all of this to stop, i hate everything, i hate me, help

Don't rely too much on people, people come and go. You need to resolve it by yourself, everybody don't have 24 hours for you, the world doesn't resolve around you. Certainly you're not important, and suddenly when something happened, why didn't you tell, why didn't you ask, you can rely on people. 

We can talk later, we have plenty of time, we don't have to talk every hours. I've already give up on everything, I have to solve everything by myself, and it's a good things, but bad decision and I'll be blamed for. It's all in my head, then it become my faults. 

Eventually everyone gonna give up on you, you don't have to pretend and wait for the impossible. Just, die