Psyche

i thought iwant this, i thought that i should left everything, i shut down everthing, i should feel okay with it, but whyam i feel this lonely? i thought i have surpassed all of this, i try to make peace with my demons. i try to stop being like this, i shouldnt be a burden, why am i try to be like this. why am i go back in this circle.i should learnt from the past, yet i still in the same pitch dark holes. im in the same rock bottom.

i feel tired, unmotivated, yet i still try to write it down. i trying not to get anyone attention. im giving everthing to people so that i can hide all of this, so that i can run from it. i thought ive become a better person, but why am i lying to myself? i felt too comfort whenever i could, and i should blame myself for being like this. i shouldnt be a burden to any person at all. i need to suck it up, everyone live with their own problems. i shouldnt let myself hanging too much too people. 

i keep on hearing those words, but i tried many ways to distract myself, i try to run from it, i try to surpass my own demons. im not priority, everyone should prioritize themselves first. but i cant bring to even do that to myself. imgiving evertything possible so that i can feel at ease. i keep on being like this. i keep on hurting people. yes, people will get tired of me, eventuallh they will left me. because i keep on running and pushing people away. 

no on will stick with me like this, i need to be okay. i need to be fine. i need to be alone. im toxic, im bad person. people should leave me alone, they should acknwoledged all of this. im being as distance as i can, so that i can make peace with my own demons., from time to time, as i thought i need to be alone, but no one said that being like this is actually killing you slowly. i thought all i need is time, but i keep on being hurt by myself. i keep on losing the grips, i keep on dragging into the darkness.

i make people uncomfortable with me, i make it woirse. i knw i nhurt people as many as possible. i couldnt share, i couldnt meet, i couldnt say anything to them. i hate when i need to feel safe. ive already told myself, tyhat i shpouldnt stay with anyone. im impossible to be loved. i cant even love myself, why should i love, cvare or hold anyone else? why? now i understand when people said that im being bad for pushing people away, now i know when there's person even said that i cant be trust, now i know.

im too afraid to even talk and meet people, and im crying anf im scared. i dont want to shout out to te world, but at least all i can do is say it here. im sorry, i tried my best.i jut want you to know, im okaymim fine. it's easy said than done. im okayt, i need to be okay, i need to smile, that's what the worlds want. i was told that this is all in my head, it's jut me being exaggerated, but i never wish for this to happened. it's my fault for tryingto live up people expectatin, you dont have a strong support system, you just hide it to make people less worried about you. i need to be pefect, i need to be okay with it.