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constant reiteration

Actually I don't even know why I feel all of this, why I feel this heaviness in my chest, like everything feels not right. The urge to just go beyond the thongs that is worse, it's worsening day by day. You know that's it's there in your head  the loudness in this silence. I know there's chances but I don't feel safe at all. I'm still trying, trying my best, and I know it's so stupid because I couldn't talk to anyone, like I was asking for the attention, like whatever I feel it's just another fool need attention.  I'm sorry that actually I try to reach everyone and yet I couldn't do that, I froze myself and the voices really loud in my head, I try to be there for anyone and yet I can't even hold myself, I lost my own grip to grasp the reality and stand where I standing. I lost everything, I just look at myself broken and shattered slowly, and I couldn't even do anything, what the fuck am I sad for? Like seriously I thought I'm
ASSALAMMUALAIKUM ..






"Kenapa orang Islam sembah bangunan kain hitam tu?"



"Oh.... itu Kaabah atau nama lainnya Baitullah"



"Baitullah tu apa?" ...



"Secara terjemahan mudah maknanya Rumah Allah"



"Allah ada dalam tu?"



"Tak....."



"Jadi, kenapa sembah bangunan tu kalau Allah tak ada dalam tu?"



"Yang saya sembah bukannya bangunan tu.."



"Kamu sembah apa?"



"Saya sembah Allah swt"



"Jadi, kenapa sembah bangunan tu?"



"Saya MENGHADAP sahaja ke arah Kaabah tetapi saya tak sembah Kaabah.."



"Bukankah kamu sujud ke arah Kaabah, maknanya kamu sembah Kaabah la.."



"Kamu pernah tgk perlawanan bola dalam TV?"



"Pernah...... selalu.."



"Kamu tengok tv ke tengok perlawanan bola?"



"Tengok perlawanan bola la.."



"Di mana?"



"Dalam tv la.."



"Cuba buka tv tu, tengok di dalamnya ada stadium dan perlawanan bola ke tak.."



"Memanglah tak ada.. tapi itukan gambarnya ada.."



"Bukalah dalam tv, tengok ada ke tak gambar perlawanan bola dalam tu.."



"So..?"



"Maknanya kamu tengok tv, bukan perlawanan bola.. betul tak?"



"Tak.. aku tengok perlawanan bola la melaui tv tu.."



"Peliknya.."



"Sebab apa pulak pelik?"



"Ye la, kau cakap tengok perlawanan bola, sedangkan aku tengok dalam tv tu tak ada apa-apa.. yg ada hanya wayar je berselirat.."



"Memanglah dalam tv tu ada banyak wayar, tapi tv tu menayangkan gambar-gambar perlawanan bola dalamnya.."



"Hurm.. jadi tak peliklah ni..?"



"Ya.. tak pelik.."



"Jadi tak pelik jugalah aku sujud ke arah Kaabah untuk menyembah Allah swt. walau pun dalam Kaabah tak ada Allah.."

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