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constant reiteration

Actually I don't even know why I feel all of this, why I feel this heaviness in my chest, like everything feels not right. The urge to just go beyond the thongs that is worse, it's worsening day by day. You know that's it's there in your head  the loudness in this silence. I know there's chances but I don't feel safe at all. I'm still trying, trying my best, and I know it's so stupid because I couldn't talk to anyone, like I was asking for the attention, like whatever I feel it's just another fool need attention.  I'm sorry that actually I try to reach everyone and yet I couldn't do that, I froze myself and the voices really loud in my head, I try to be there for anyone and yet I can't even hold myself, I lost my own grip to grasp the reality and stand where I standing. I lost everything, I just look at myself broken and shattered slowly, and I couldn't even do anything, what the fuck am I sad for? Like seriously I thought I'm...
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Dream

Adsalamualaikum
Alhamdulilah still have great oxygen. Haha. Heyy you. Another 3 days for you. Haha, let me wish a happy becoming birthday. Haha now you getting more old. May Allah bless you. Amin. And have a save journey, and im so sorry because im pushing you to understand me.

I know you're must be bored and became mad with my problems. And im always disturbing you. Heyy im dream about us. And the others. But for me maybe it's a sad dream. Im in bad missing you and others. But in my dream im such a suck. Im ran away from the others and especially you.

you're trying to call out my name but im keep on walked without look at you. you're too tired and i saw you were sweating and im walked to you. i thought so. i cant remember it. but it was a sad. im still saying that im so sorry.

Ak x tau knapa ak rsa sdih msa kau an ak. Mcm gmbira tapi ak dpt rsa bnda lain. Astagfirullah. Ak x nak bnda ni brlaku. Mungkin ak x brsyukur kpada Allah. Btapa truknya perangai budak seperti Muhamad Noor Aiman. Haha.

Kau trpaksa berkawan an ak. Maafkan ak. Ak sngat gembira dapat berkawan dengan kau. Terima kasih

p/s: ak masih perlukan kau tapi ak kna faham keadaan kau. Maaf.

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