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constant reiteration

Actually I don't even know why I feel all of this, why I feel this heaviness in my chest, like everything feels not right. The urge to just go beyond the thongs that is worse, it's worsening day by day. You know that's it's there in your head  the loudness in this silence. I know there's chances but I don't feel safe at all. I'm still trying, trying my best, and I know it's so stupid because I couldn't talk to anyone, like I was asking for the attention, like whatever I feel it's just another fool need attention.  I'm sorry that actually I try to reach everyone and yet I couldn't do that, I froze myself and the voices really loud in my head, I try to be there for anyone and yet I can't even hold myself, I lost my own grip to grasp the reality and stand where I standing. I lost everything, I just look at myself broken and shattered slowly, and I couldn't even do anything, what the fuck am I sad for? Like seriously I thought I'm...

Myself

Assalamualaikum
alhamdulilah masih lagi bernafas dibumi yang fana ini. haha. okay kekadang ak tertanya juga. bila kita buat sesuatu kebaikan orang kata, bila kita buat sesuatu keburukan orang kata juga. mungkin susah juga kalau diungkap. sebenarnya ak mengata diri aku juga. selalu je x puas hati dengan orang. haha. itu namanya mengada. mengada ngada. hahah. kalau ikutkan ak ni senang terasa dan senang untuk mengada dengan orang. haha sifat semula jadi lah katanya. okay. memang senang orang nk tenguk kelemahan kita. kalau ikutkan lah. memang ak senang terasa senang nak rasa bersalah senang juga nyusahkan orang. jadi ini adalah jalan yang terbaik untuk mengelakkn semua tu berlaku. kebahagian orang. bukan ak. kenapa ak nak rasa sangat cemburu? sebab kau x pernah rasa? sebenarnya kau yang x nak. haha lawakkan. memang spesies yang orang x nak jumpa kalau boleh. haha


well act when im look back at myself. waw im must be a bad person. why? because. the reasons is simple. well anyone can understand with it. hahah. first when i live in this world. im see that when someone have their own happiness im felt jealous. stupid right?? hahah. laugh at me. it's okay. then sometime when im in that world. they sometimes give me the strength give me happiness but im the one who can't accept it. well be a manners person has enough for me. when im trying to make them happy,it seems like fell to bad things. well this things simply make it easy for me not to know about it rather than i had to face the music. yeahh.

sebenarnya ak x nak menyusahkan kau. terlalu banyak yang ak cerita. kalau kebahagiaan x pe lah juga dekat kau. sedap sikit halwa telinga nak dengar. ini tak setiap kali jumpa kau. kau akan cakap. kau memang sentiasa ada masalah. muka bermasalah hahah. okay memang ya pun. ak x boleh nak ngelak kan. hahha. kau saja yang tahu semua itu. dan lagi memang kau saja nak buat ak gembira sambil kau gembira. selain itu, hahah dah macam buat esei pertandingan peringkat kebangsaan. memang menang sebab berjela sangat hahah. ak yang melebih. dan ak rasa kau sangatlah x selesa dengan cara layanan ak. okay ak nak kau jujur saja kalau kau x selesa. ak memang memahami. mungkin ya,mungkin tidak. kau saja yang akan cakap hahaha,


it's not easy to do it but it is easy to say it right? everyone knows it. hahaha. if we look at the bright side, always think positive. that is what im working on it. im such a little boy that always think negatively. ibu said it is not good for me. i know that and im trying to stop it. but im too afraid when im alone. no one want to refresh my mind set. too horrible. im terrified. well too coward isnt good for aiman. suddenly im asking myself. where have you been aiman?? where the old aiman that always smile and cherish?? when im talking to myself. aiman,yesterday always the past to drive us be more stronger. tomorrow is something special of Allah given for you to smile. and today, take it as an advantage to make up friends and smile. well, im not good enough for all of you my friends.

rasa macam mengarut untuk selesaikan masalah ini dengan memutuskan segalanya. sebenarnya bukan lah memutuskan cuma mengambil masa dalam jangka masa yang agak panjang untuk memahami keadaan ini. mungkin selama ini ak menyorokkan masalah dengan ketawa,senyuman,keceriaan. haha mungkin masa itu tahap kematangan diri belum tercetus lagi kan?? itulah yang terbaik untuk diri ak. syaiful,terima kasih untuk apa yang dah kau buat untuk diri ak. kau tahu yang terbaik untuk diri ak. ak minta maaf juga sebab terlambat. hahah maaf orang tua^^. sebab kau dah mengiyakan saja tindak tanduk ak walaupun ianya kurang kecerdikan. ahah terima kasih untuk kekuatan. bazilah,hihi maaf bukan selalu sebut pun nama ini. nama sebaik orangnya. terima kasih atas segala kekuatan dan kesabaran dalam menegur dan memberi semangat.


when im talking with you. you always give me the strength to lift up myself. thanks too because sharing half of me with you. sorry i has to say it here but. it's okay. you always change my perception. you always give me advice to make me smile. i should change my mind. well have a doctor to surgeon my brain and reset my mind. live without the past was something terrified. hahah. change it. well what have i done is not something really important. just want to get rid of it so that it make me believe i dont know anythings about it. be myself. well im still need the others but. yes im to horrible and stupid. just leave it. well syaiful. im always VERY2 need you. indeed but seems like we both have the different things to do right? im always bothering you. i should understand it.


Assalamualaikum take care and have fun.

p/s:be myself always positive thinking and always need you.

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